I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
