She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I AM VODKA MAN
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
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