Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
