You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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