Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
this hospital has no fireball
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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