cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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