i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think a kid would responsible me up
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
