ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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