Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
