I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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