You smell like stripper and shame
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
