the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
