it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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