The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
