Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
