I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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