If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize