I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
