Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
