good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
