I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
