so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
