I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize