Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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