It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you would pick up someone in the library
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
