I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
