he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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