if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
