lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
