you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
