Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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