matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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