You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
