So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
