Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
