He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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