2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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