i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
