yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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