I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
