just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
