I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
