Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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