i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
