Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
