I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
