new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I need to sanitize my soul.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
