it hurts more in the daytime
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
