I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
