just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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