I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
