I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
