i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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