We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
