I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
