Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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