after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
