remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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