The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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