so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
