my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
