meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
