oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
