as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
