one two three fourrrrnication!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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