if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
