Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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