I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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